Artwork: AMC '23

If Money Grew On Trees

Author: SAB '24
As seen in: We Like To Have Fun #

- Environmental protection would be bipartisan.

- In the fall, you could substitute real money with Monopoly money without anyone noticing.

- “Boy” in Shel Silverstein’s The Giving Tree would be pissed that his tree only gives apples.

- The Magic Tree House series would’ve missed the very purpose of a tree house.

- Caterpillars would be an existential threat to global financial stability.

- When you’re traveling, you wouldn’t have to stress if a shopkeeper told you that you’d have to convert your U.S. dollars to the Icelandic krona to the Manx pound. You’d just exchange different types of leaves instead. 

- The Great Depression would repeat itself every winter. 

- That kid who disappeared in the woods when you were little would probably be doing just fine for himself.

- Counterfeit bills would never work thanks to DNA testing.

- The highest burglary rates would be in rural, unpopulated areas.

- The greatest trait produced by evolution would be giraffes’ long necks.

- The study of plants would be called economics.

- 1 in every 5 banknotes would be stained with bird shit.

- Your gardener would be your financial advisor.

- The Sierra Club wouldn’t be a non-profit.

- The U.S. wouldn’t have needed to intervene in the Middle East.

- The tree that fell on your house during the storm would be able to pay for the damage.

- The Department of Education’s suggested punishment of “raking leaves at a local park” wouldn’t teach those students anything.

- Landscaping would still be just for rich people.