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MAG '21-'22

Literature Board 2021-2022

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Laser Danger
19
January 2022
Before dying of liver failure, action stuntman Laser Danger said some of the coolest things utter…
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Wet Dream
93
January 2022
At a sleepover. Kyle: Whoa! Brian what is that on your shorts?Brian: Uh, nothing! Kyle: Hey…
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Cool Kevin
1
December 2021
Cool Kevin is a man the military pays to come to our office and yell at us about not smoking mariju…
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Tales of Vengeance
10
September 2021
For our upcoming issue, we asked some Lampoon subscribers to write in to share stories about times …
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Obituary
July 2021
If you would’ve told me yesterday that I’d be writing an obituary for the guy in this…
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Churchill
10
July 2021
Winston Churchill, known for all of his political and military accomplishments, was also a Nobel Pr…
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Gun Show
July 2021
Turbus: And this here is the Heckler and Koch SR9, with extra bolt-action to make your kills absolu…
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Glossary of Future Terms
10
July 2021
Welcome to the Year 2435! Please step off the portal platform. Here are some words you’ll nee…
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Yearbook Signing
May 2021
-Hey Brad, want me to sign your yearbook? -Of course, Dylan! Good luck at Dartmouth next year. We&…
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Sometimes when I’m thinking…
2
November 2020
Sometimes when I’m thinking about doing something a little devil will pop up on one of my sho…
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Hell
November 2020
There’s a special place in hell for weird guys who can’t be kept in the regular part of…
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Street Fight
October 2020
Biker #1: You shouldn’t have knocked that drink out of my hand in there. Now you’re gon…
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Bad Days
10
October 2020
– When Dad broke out of jail and decided to hold his second family hostage instead of ours. …
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Blockbuster
12
October 2020
The year is 2004. It’s Friday in 2004. You head to the Blockbuster in 2004 with your dad to r…
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Apology to the Reader’s of Squid Digest’s April 2013 Issue
September 2020
Readers, we would like to retract a statement we made in our most recent issue. After multiple onli…
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Seven Deadly Gourds
June 2020
The Orange Gourd: This one will kill you 100%. The Ghost Pepper: This one is less pungent, still…
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Reddit History
June 2020
Comment on New Zelda Game Out! by /u/bowzrrr999 in /r/nintendo [–] GREG_THE_MAN  0 poin…
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Cowboy Fantasies
March 2020
“I’ve been having cowboy fantasies again,” I mumble, before kicking through the s…
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Texting on My Laptop II
7
March 2019
You have entered the chat. You have added Sarah Brickman to the chat. Me: Sarah Me: !! Me: ****…
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Half Day
March 2019
Good afternoon, parents. Principal Mueller here calling to inform you that your student has been re…
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The Beat Generation
1
March 2019
Jazz flowed from the streets in the 50s. We swam naked in the churches. We prayed in the oceans. We…
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Texting on My Laptop
4
February 2019
Me: Hey Sarah Me: Hey Me: Hey Sarah Me: Hey Sarah, sorry.  Me: I didn’t realize hitt…
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Lifeguarding
December 2018
Lifeguard: (sips smoothie) I’m just saying: if your kid was “drowning in the deep end&r…