-Hello class, today we have a new student. He was raised by wolves.
-Hi, everyone. I’m Drew. It’s a pleasure to meet you all.
-Oh my, Drew—you are quite articulate for a child raised by wolves.
-Well, the wolves who raised me were raised by humans.
-Why is there an anthropologist sitting in the back of the classroom?
-Don't mind him. He’s just going to study you.
-He should study my parents. They’re wolves that speak English, wear clothes, and lead ordinary domestic lives.
-Wow. So your parents are wolves.
-Drew, you’re not playing with the other kids at recess. Are you developmentally stunted as a result of your wolf upbringing?
-We’re just playing hide-and-seek. I’m “it” right now.
-Did your wolf parents not teach you to hunt?
-They just buy groceries like everyone else.
-Son, I told you not to bring anthropologists to our home.
-He followed me here.
-Well, I’m trying to do my crossword and drink coffee and file taxes. What did I tell you to say when an anthropologist is bothering you?
-...“Woof”.
[Anthropologist furiously takes notes]
-Okay class, it’s time for Drew to present his final project—.
-I can’t…
-And why is that?
-…My dad…he ate it.
