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Artwork: JSR '22
42

Trading Up

Author: EB '24
As seen in: The Proper Bostonians #

In 2005, Kyle MacDonald successfully traded up from a paperclip to a house.

 

– Starting with a single paperclip, which I bought on craigslist for a few bucks.

– Mom is trading me the paperclip for a brand new bar of soap and washcloth, and it’s hard not to take it as a hint.

– Trading the soap for a bunch of little plastic shovels and racecars.

– No no no no no no

– Swallowed the toys.

– Don’t have anything to trade for emergency medical care.

– Nurse sees me crying on the sidewalk near my house and kicks me in the chest to get the toys out.

– She won’t trade me anything for them so I call her a bitch.

– Trading the toys with my mom and getting another bar of soap.

– Trading the soap for a ghost. 

– Trading the ghost for a ghoul (worth twice as much).

– Trading the ghoul for a gun.

– Trading the bullet for all the cash in the Citizens Bank safe.