What is to be done about the crisis of The Harvard Lampoon? Can anything stop a magazine’s knees from bending under the weight of its own greatness? And where can I find the lowest prices on groceries without compromising on quality?

The answers are as follows: (1) nothing; (2) lifting from the legs; and (3) Morton’s Grocery Store. The Morton’s motto cannot be printed in a family humor magazine, but feel free to ask about it if you see me on the street.