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Artwork: Anonymous
14

Birthday Girl

Author: RIP '09
As seen in: The Celebration #

BIRTHDAY GIRL:  Tonight’s been unbelievable. You are honestly the most amazing friends in the world.

CARLA: Well don’t thank us just yet!

BIRTHDAY GIRL: What do you mean OH MY GOD CAKE!

CARLA, RACHEL, CHLOE: Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday dear . . .

[Carla, Rachel, and Chloe exchange anxious looks.]

CARLA, RACHEL, CHLOE: . . . muhmmuhmmuh . . . Happy birthday to you!

BIRTHDAY GIRL: . . .

CARLA: And many more!

BIRTHDAY GIRL: . . .

CARLA: Blow out the candles!

RACHEL: Oh my God, yeah! Blow out the candles!

CHLOE: Blow out them candles, birthday girl, woo!

BIRTHDAY GIRL: What did you say my name was?

CHLOE: Huh? What? Candles! Woo!

BIRTHDAY GIRL: In the birthday song, what did you say my name was?

CHLOE: Oh, you know. Your name . . . is what we said.

BIRTHDAY GIRL: And what name was that?

CHLOE: Aw, come on. It’s cake time! This is a very yummy-looking cake-

BIRTHDAY GIRL: No, Chloe. What’s my name?

CHLOE: Your name . . . is . . . my good friend. My best friend. Hello.

BIRTHDAY GIRL: Chloe!

RACHEL: This is ridiculous; we all know your name.

BIRTHDAY GIRL: If you know it then what is it?

RACHEL: It’s, um, I don’t know.

BIRTHDAY GIRL: Rachel!

RACHEL: Okay, but in all fairness, though, I thought you didn’t know my name.

BIRTHDAY GIRL: I’ve known you literally my entire life. Of course I know your name, Rachel.

RACHEL: Okay. Well. Now I know that. I had a false impression, and I will be the first to admit it.

BIRTHDAY GIRL: How about you, Carla? Do you know the name of your own roommate since college?

CARLA: Okay. So hear me out on this. Basically, the thing is, I do not know your name.

BIRTHDAY: I can’t believe this! Here I am thinking I’m with my best friends in the whole world and you don’t even know who I am. I’m Sarah. My name is Sarah.

RACHEL: Woo, Sarah! Happy birthday, girl!

CHLOE: Yeah, Sarah!

CARLA: Sarah! Happy birthday, Sarah!