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Pieces

Yo Mama So Fat
43
JFAR '19-'22   •   April 2019
-…is the best way I thought I could begin breaking this news, Timmy. I’m so sorry. She…
2019 World Expo
14
SWR '19-'20   •   March 2019
– Attention please, the presentation by Tajikistan will begin in 5 minutes. – (20 minu…
My Ideas for Hallmark Cards
24
MFP '23-24   •  
- I’m sorry I spilled your drink - It shouldn’t matter what’s in the cup, whethe…
Teacher’s Note
32
MFP '23-24   •   July 2021
Dear Parent, If you are receiving this note it means that your child has been enrolled in my class…
How I Stopped 9/11
220
RD '24   •  
I strut into the hideout, the most beautiful girl Osama bin Laden has ever seen.  Osama bin L…
Cowboy Fantasies
6
MAG '21-'22   •   March 2020
“I’ve been having cowboy fantasies again,” I mumble, before kicking through the s…
Opening Line of My Book
2
BWM '19-'21   •   February 2020
“Alright everyone… settle down, settle down, if you could all gather round, come a lit…
Dandelion Tales
16
JEC '21   •   May 2021
Heineken in one hand and Paradise Lost essay in the other, Dandelion cruised down Lafayette at a co…
The Trial of the Decade
17
MMM '20   •   October 2020
Frankly, it seemed certain that Marco would get lunch detention. Frank Lee, our principal, along wi…
2020 International Video Game Awards Acceptance Speech
10
JLG '21   •   October 2020
Oh, thank you, really thank you so much. This award…it truly means so much to me. Well, it l…
Turing Test
39
FOD '24   •   March 2023
—  Hey check it out, it’s our lab's newest artificial intelligence. &mdas…
Hottest Girls In School
52
YMC '21-'22   •   December 2021
And, action.  Open on the Three Hottest Girls in school, walking in unison, places in all the…
City Nights, 3029
23
GPCP '22   •   May 2022
It’s Saturday night, and I’m looking for trouble. Shades. Scowl. Leather jacket in all …
Ways to Get Away with Yelling Fire in a Crowded Theater
88
JGB '25   •  
- Wait for the movie to have a scene with explosions, then point and yell fire  - Rent out an…
Vanitas
LRK '21-'22   •   January 2021
Dear Readers,   My greatest hope for you all is that you actually know how to read because t…
Apology to the Reader’s of Squid Digest’s April 2013 Issue
10
MAG '21-'22   •   September 2020
Readers, we would like to retract a statement we made in our most recent issue. After multiple onli…
Strange Position
29
SAB '24   •  
Alright Officer, so there I am walking down Main Street with my groceries when I see this guy layin…
Dinosaur Story
26
FOD '24   •   May 2022
Tour Guide: We’ve finally reached the Chicxulub crater, everyone, the site of the explosion t…
The Summer I Turned Into Danny DeVito
75
CYL '26   •   December 2023
My mom used to tell me that I just had to wait for puberty to hit and then I wouldn’t be ugly…
The Death of Kenzo Simmons
10
BWM '19-'21   •   May 2021
-Welcome to heaven. Please state your name, occupation, and cause of death.  -Wow, so you mus…