Welcome, Parishers. I am honored to speak in this holy chapel. You may call me Father Tod. I am not ...

- The time I walked to the restaurant and ordered a COMPUTER! The waitress did not know what to do. ...

1) College is busy, so it is important to set up a schedule with your significant other.  When the s...

I first saw her in English class. After a quick forty-minute search of Google, I found out that she ...

Only 35 of the 97 total passengers were killed in the Hindenburg Blimp disaster. This has really tak...

Greetings, assembled cabinet ministers of the Soviet Union. I have a confession to make. I am not ac...

This guy Brian showed up in my shower last night. The water wasn’t on, he was just reading a c...

(Lights up. Camera pans over a grayscale suburb.) VOICEOVER: The modern mom is secure. (Flash: a p...

The national draft is underway, and as an amputee I’m terrified of active combat. Thankfully, I’m in...

Those files better say that I can buy a boat, Gene. My wife loves boats. My girlfriend loves boats...

When I mention this to women, they usually say it’s not dead it’s just changed with the times, but t...

Every pizza shop’s dream is a delivery driver with no obligation to the law. That, or an Italian piz...

Grandpa says that in America, the streets are paved with gold and the water is made of milk and hone...

My first company-wide meeting as chairman started smoothly, but when I announced my plan to ban unio...

I clutched my Babe Ruth card in one hand and my necronomicon in the other. “The big game’s tomorrow,...

Student: Don, man, what’re you doing at our epic party?  Don Quijote: Ah, you see, I was just stopp...

Disenchantment Day is my favorite day of the year.  I live to shatter the false sense of security ch...

Thank you to the school committee for having me. You may know me as the woman whose son killed the m...

I have the rare version of the Midas Touch where everything I touch turns into rhombuses. It all sta...