Dear Judging Committee for the American Society for Magazine Editors,
I notice you have not been receiving my letters. I can not emphasize enough how much I respect your work, despite the fact that my letters were all addressed to a fictional individual whom I created with the intent of confusing your mailman such that he simply delivers your award to 44 Bow St to avoid finding the home of “Emoji Jones.” Without your magazine awards, we would not know what magazine is good. And for that, I am grateful.
