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Pieces

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Good Cop, Bad Cop, Jelly-Donut Cop
13
December 2020
Bad Cop: We have your fingerprints on the gun, the doorknob, and the victim, punk. Good Cop: Hey j…
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Squirrels
20
My ideal hangover cure is a lazy afternoon at the park, sipping on a cold beer and talking with the…
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Squigley
10
December 2021
Carl Squigley always had his nose buried in a book, which was buried in a still-flushing toilet. He…
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A Worry
2
March 2020
Sometimes I worry that there is a GMO soybean out to get me.It’s all fucked up and has like w…
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Advice
January 2020
Listen bro I totally get where you’re coming from, but just remember that next time you point…
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Choose Your Own Adventure
40
May 2022
You are feeling awfully hungry today. What would you like to eat? > A ham sandwich. Keep readi…
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May December Romance
55
- Yeah, I had a grandpa too once. Is yours cool or like a piece of shit or do you like hate him or …
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A Retelling of Jaws By Someone Who Has Definitely Seen It
13
October 2020
Jaws…yes. Jaws is the story of a very big shark. Everyone knows that. Especially those who h…
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1999
10
May 2021
At the end of the millennium people started acting weird. January -The “Euro” is intr…
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Hottest Girls In School
10
December 2021
And, action.  Open on the Three Hottest Girls in school, walking in unison, places in all the…
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Secret Journal
5
December 2021
-Hey, I found the quiet kid’s journal—it’s all about the popular kids and how he&…
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Lolita
65
December 2022
Lolita, light of my life, I feel fire in my loins. I lit my underwear on fire for you, Lolita. No o…
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How I Stopped 9/11
148
I strut into the hideout, the most beautiful girl Osama bin Laden has ever seen.  Osama bin L…